Equilibrium
by Kalon29
Summary: Set right after the Last Jedi. Rey’s story. Kylo’s story. A story of how they find their way back to each other. Kylo and Rey POV “‘You’re bleeding’ she raised her fingers to his cheek as if to touch him. Kylo could not take that. Not now. In a swift move he gripped her hand tightly in his. ‘Don’t. I have deeper scars, I assure you. Some of which you gave to me.’”
1. Chapter 1: Resolve

Chapter 1: Resolve

No one could understand how much it had cost her to say no. And not because she wanted power. She was used to having none. And not because she wanted to be someone of importance. She had long given up that dream. But because for that split second, whilst looking into Kylo's eyes she felt the _promise_. She saw the possibility of not being _alone_. Even more tempting, she saw the possibility of being _understood._

Being abandoned as a child made her always doubt herself and question her worth. She always felt that a part of her must have surely been deemed unworthy of love, unworthy of family.

 _Unacceptable. Alone_.

Words painted over hear forehead. Words that branded her. Separated her from the rest.

Which is why when Kylo…Ben?. When Ben had said those words to her a vision of her future appeared before her eyes. Solid and clear. She had never thought about her future before in such clear terms. She had no reason to.

But his passion, his conviction, his plea, drew a most vivid picture of her future. And she remembered Maz's words about the belonging she was seeking, that it was before and not behind her.

She felt the pull then. Towards something. Darkness? Ben? She was not sure. But she felt it in her veins. The temptation was so great. Like a lion rising up against her, wanting to devour her strongest convictions.

Yet she did not falter. Not for a minute. Not at all. Because Rey had dedicated her whole life to loyally waiting for a family she believed in. She had spent all the years of her life before this, faithfully persevering. She was disciplined and unused to allowing herself the liberty of making choices depending on how she felt. That's why the promise of a good future for herself did not move her. No, what made Rey waver, what made her second guess the immediate response she was going to give Kylo Ren was the shape of _his_ future. It was _him_ , the loyalty she felt towards him. The almost impossible to resist need to be by his side. She wondered whether it was because of the Force. Whether she was indeed his equal in every way and they were only ever going to be made complete by each other.

She shivered. And considered her vision. The one she had on the island when she had touched his hand. She wondered whether this would be the fulfilment of the vision, whether she needed to join him to turn him. Was she prepared to take that risk?

What about her friends? Finn… so loyal and generous. Reckless, but kind. Her first friend.

And Leia. Compassionate and fiery strong Leia, who so desperately wanted to save their world.

She could not abandon her friends. She would not.

A feeling burst in her heart then,overpowering all others.

 _Resolution._

Rey lifted her hazel eyes to Ben Solo. But it was Kylo Ren who met her stare, his eyes hard, his mouth in a thin line. So much could be read in those eyes. So much that was going to be left unsaid between them.

Kylo had felt it. The change in the Force. Her resolve. He knew then she was going to say no.

And something broke inside of him, in his depths, depths he had refused to acknowledge in so long. Snoke had once told him that killing his father had split his spirit. And he had handled that. Not without scars, but he had handled it. Because the truth was that Kylo was used to killing things. He was used to the way that splintered his being. He was used to the tension in the Force every time he did it.

But this, this was new. Because Kylo had never been at the receiving end of the killing. This was completely foreign to him. He looked into Rey's eyes and he felt the exact moment she made up her mind to leave him. The bond between them snapped harshly, like a cord, and he felt it like a slap in the face. The strangest numbness overcame him. _Incomplete._

He felt completely incomplete.

Rey stretched out her hand and used all the strength she had to control the force and grab Luke's lightsaber. Kylo matched her in passion and precision. They each pulled as hard as they could. Rey could feel the force rising inside her like fire, consuming and unrelenting.

She locked eyes with Ben and pulled.

His fire met hers. Force met force, none of them relenting. Not allowing the other to win. Too much hung on that.

They both felt the pressure rising and rising and rising until..

Bang! Crack!

Light exploded in the entire room, throwing them both to its opposite sides.

Rey rushed to her feet as fast as she could and ran to grab the lightsaber.

Panic crept inside of her when she saw not one, but two pieces lying on the ground. Two _equal_ pieces. She gathered them both with a sense of regret, still feeling the adrenaline coursing through her, an aftermath of her facing Kylo in battle.

 _Kylo._

Her eyes searched for him desperately. She was half expecting him to jump on her. The rage she had read in his eyes was like nothing she had seen before. But then her eyes fell on Kylo's lifeless looking body across the room. Without thinking, without question, she rushed to his sid _e, out of breath, heart racing. She held out her hand as if to touch his cheek but changed her mind just as she was about to make contact with his skin._

She grasped his hand instead. She gasped softly, at the unexpected fullness she felt.

 _Complete_.

No vision this time. Only a feeling of certainty because she had arrived. Home. Where she belonged and where she had longed to be. All the years of loneliness, felt like none. It was as if they were wiped away right before her eyes. As if nothing existed before this moment and as if she had reached the peak. Of what, she did not fully understand. But the tension inside of her, the pull of the force was finally calm.

She grasped his hand tighter.

Clinging to him.

To the feeling of fullness.

She grasped him so tightly, her own knuckles turned white. She leaned above him, with tears now running freely down her cheek. She leaned near his ear and whispered:

"I am sorry Ben." Soft as a breath she touched her lips to his cheek. She realised then that she was trembling, an uncomfortable tightness in her chest.

All of a sudden she could hear General Hux bellowing orders somewhere near by so she quickly pulled herself up and ran. She ran as fast as she could.

In those moments, as she was running, she replayed all the time she had spent with Ben in the last few days. She remembered how she felt being near him, how the Force relished in their union. And she remembered how he felt. And how holding his future felt. How significant it made her feel to be the one allowed into his depths.

She allowed those feelings to course through her and then she used as much of the Force as she could to shut them down.

As she flew off his ship and towards her friends she committed her heart to forgetting Ben Solo and their Force bond and heart bond and whatever else that tied them together. All that was left was Kylo Ren, now Supreme Commander of the First Order and sworn enemy of the Resistance.

Kylo opened his eyes abruptly, quickly jumping to his feet. He looked for a sign from Rey but could not see her anywhere.

She was _gone_.

And so was the lightsaber.

General Hux came rushing into the throne room then.

"What happened here?" He said.

"The girl killed our Supreme Leader and then ran off." Kylo replied.

"You mean to tell me she bested you in a fight?" He paused. And then added incredulously. "Both of you? And all the guards?"

Kylo gritted his teeth. "She just caught me unaware. Prepare the fleet. We are going to end those filthy rebels today." He barked and stormed off.

For the rest of that day, Kylo was annoyed.

In fact he was angry.

Raving mad.

 _Furious_.

At Rey. At Luke. His mother. His father. The Force.

Years and years of burying the pain of his parents leaving and of Luke's betrayal, all came crashing down on him. Caused him to completely lose control, something which he valued above else. No one got to where he was without exercising a great deal of control, particularly self-control. Still, he had lost it. Fighting with Luke's hologram. He should have sensed that in the Force. He would have, if he had been less angry, his mind less preoccupied with Rey and destroying the Resistance. He wanted them gone because they were an enemy of the First Order.

And because they took _her away_

But he let the rebels get away. He knew Rey had helped them get away. And he could not get there in time to stop her.

For the first time in years, Kylo Ren felt weakness in his heart. He had forgotten it was there. His heart.

General Snoke kept referring to it. His heart and his weakness. Telling him he was too much heart, too much light. He had allowed Snoke to believe that. He had taken a page out of his Supreme Leader's book and manipulated his weakness. And everyone knew Snoke's weakness was pride, conceit for everyone and everything. He was an arrogant bastard and Kylo knew sooner or later he would be able to use that against him. And he had done it.

He had won.

He was Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

His grandfather would have been proud.

Kylo Ren looked across the vast expanse of space. Now that he had destroyed not one, not two but three stormtrooper cabins and Force chocked most of his army, he was at peace.

Or at least in control.

 _Fine_.

He was containing his anger, at least. But it did not help that everytime he closed his eyes, he could see Rey's expression as she closed the door to that ship.

 _Resolve_. Strong resolve.

He felt it in the Force around her.

Silently he had tried to somehow reach out to her.

But there was nothing he could say. Or do. Or be. He felt uncomfortably small inside remembering the look in her eyes.

He was Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order.

In her eyes. He saw it. Could still see it. Feel the sting of her glare. The monster she thought him to be. Kylo Ren, the monster, her enemy and that of the entire galaxy.

But in that moment, remembering her glare, Kylo had an astonishing revelation, followed by a sharp pain in the region near his heart. Every crushing heartbeat felt like it was mocking him. Because Rey had looked at him and seen only Kylo Ren.

But sadly, he could not recall a time when he felt more like Ben Solo.


	2. Chapter 2: Determination

**Chapter 2: Determination**

 _Months later_

Kylo Ren walked around his throne room, his strides swift and powerful, worthy of someone in his current position, _Supreme Leader of the First Order._

He thought back on his grandfather's dream a sense of immense satisfaction filling him. He was closer than he had ever been to accomplishing that dream. He looked outside through one of the vision panels to his right. The First Order fleet filled the skies as far as he could see. _Mine_ he thought, with immense satisfaction. It almost made him smile. Almost.

Oh how he loved power. Light or darkness. That did not matter. But power. Power felt right. Satisfying. Power helped him gain control. And ever since that day he had needed to maintain the control,

First Rey. Then Luke.

Kylo Ren had lost it day. And because of that he had dedicated himself to perfecting his control over all things: the Force, the Universe, the First Order, his own heart.

And as it turned out that had helped him overcome his enemies. Continuously, and without ceasing. No word of the Resistance and definitely no threat from them. Although he knew they were in hiding preparing themselves. And the fact that they were not giving up was bothering him.

That she was not giving up, was really bothering.

"Supreme Leader?" A stormtrooper said approaching him.

"What is it? You know how I feel about being disturbed without good reason?" He barked at the man.

"Beg your pardon, Supreme Leader. General Hux has sent me to inform you that we have n-news regarding the Resi-Resistance, Supreme Leader. " he stammered.

Kylo Ren's eyes flared briefly before he stormed out of the room without a word.

"Where is she?" Kylo said when the doors opened onto the first deck.

"She?" General Hux asked. "Do you mean the girl, the scavanger?"

Kylo tensed.

"Of course I do not mean the girl, General. I mean the ship." he said calmly, a note of annoyance in his voice. "The Resistance ship." he added for good measure.

"Of course. The ship. Forgive me Supreme Leader. We don't know where the ship is as of yet. But we have discovered some very unusual activity on this particular side of the galaxy" he said pointing a perfectly manicured hand towards one of the smallest planets on the three-dimensional map open on his desk.

"What do you mean unusual?" Kylo asked.

"A multitude of ships have recently landed on this particular planet in the past few days. The ships were well disguised but we managed to gain control over the satellite in one of them. Since then we have been able to monitor the activity in the area. At least a dozen ships have landed in the past 24 hours. And another dozen over the days previous. No ship has taken off so far." He looked purposefully at Kylo Ren trying to gauge his reaction. But all Kylo did was watch the small planet spin round in circles. It was not far from where they were now. It was close.

She was _close_.

Trying to read the Supreme Leader's expression Hux added "I believe this has something to do with the Resistance. Perhaps they are gathering forces and preparing an attack. After all there is only that smallest part of the galaxy left unconquered."

Kylo's eyes rose to his, black eyes piercing.

Hux shook a little inside but years of military training allowed him to maintain his position. He did not move.

"So what are you waiting for?" Kylo replied.

"Supreme Leader?" Hux stammered slightly, not believing he was saying what he thought he was saying. Because in truth, Hux had always doubted that Kylo Ren had it in him to destroy the Resistance. Because of his mother. And because of that girl.

"I mean, what are you waiting for? To destroy the Resistance. Frankly General, you disappoint me. I thought that it was what you most desired." Kylo spoke without raising his voice, but every word was so carefully spelled out that it shook general Hux to the core.

"Well I thought you wanted to ... have a part in this. Also the girl. We would need your help with the girl. If she was powerful enough to kill Snoke and leave you unconscious, surely she is a major threat."

Klyo's eyes flared. He turned around abruptly. One hand on his lightsaber, he walked swiftly towards the front of the deck which allowed him a view of his entire fleet.

"I wouldn't worry about the girl." He gritted out, his voice suddenly hoarse, his mouth dry. His hand had started shaking so he grabbed the lightsaber tighter. He added "I did not consider this was necessary to tell you before, but the girl only defeated me because I had some splintering in the Force. It was Supreme leader Snoke who told me before he died. You wouldn't understand anyway. But I am stronger than Rey." Kylo Ren said convincingly, turning to the General and looking him straight in the eyes.

"Rey." General Hux whispered and Kylo's chest tightened.

"Is that her name? Just...Rey?" The general replied. "Rey. Rey. That is not what I would have expected. Rather like a scavenger's name." He threw a superior grin towards the captain "Rey hmm."

"Stop saying her name." Kylo barked out, his eyes blazing, his grip tightening on his lightsaber. In that moment, Kylo would have gladly squeezed the life out of his second in command, even though he was the best man he had. Control, remember.

"Of course. As you wish Supreme Leader." Hux replied.

"Indeed. As I wish. Now where was I? Yes, I will defeat the girl. She is no match for me, particularly because she is untrained. I am more powerful than a Jedi or a Sith. She is not even a Jedi." Kylo Ren said pointedly. And he really did believe what he said. Every time he thought back on that night he became more convinced that he would be able to defeat Rey if he faced her again. In the beginning he doubted he would ever be able to. Because it was Rey. Because once she was gone, there would be no one like her. And no one like him.

And then he doubted he could. He wasn't sure how it had been possible for her to escape that night. But then he remembered Snoke's words about how killing his father had splintered his spirit and caused him to lose that first fight with her.

He realised then that it must have been the same on the night she escaped. His spirit must have been splintered, because he had just chosen to let his mother die on one of the ships. And because Rey had said no. And that future that he had seen when they had touched was torn away from him.

And that had broken something in him. Something he that ran deep. He really prefered not to think how deep.

So yes, it had been those things only that had caused her to win.

But now he had gained control over himself. And he would never be so foolish as to beg for anything ever. He would destroy her if he needed, just like he had sworn himself before Luke.

Finally snapping out of his thoughts, he looked at General Hux.

"Well if that is all General, I assume we will be ready to kill that nuisance of a Resistance by tomorrow. I will come with you, in case the girl is there and causing any problems." Kylo pressed a button to close the map and turned to leave.

"Actually Supreme Leader, there is more. We have reason to believe that the Resistance ships have also gone there to pay their final respects. We have intercepted an on-board conversation between one of the ships and one of the rebels at the base."

"Why are you boring me with this General?" Kylo said impatiently, not bothering to turn around or look at the General.

"It's the Leader of the Resistance, Sir. "which made Kylo freeze " It seems that General Organa, your uh-" long pause "you mother, is dying." Hux finished.

Kylo Ren was struck. He did not move or turn around. His chest felt tight but he chose ro ignore it.

Ben Solo would have wept, yes. For the mother he was losing. Even though it was the mother he had never had. Not with him anyways.

Kylo Ren had no one.

"I have no mother." He threw out and stormed out.

Later that night, when he was alone, Kylo did something he had not done in years.

He meditated. Mostly because he needed to feel whether he could reach out to his mother across the Force. But he couldn't reach her. Or Luke.

In truth, he had not been able to reach them since he had gone.

Only Rey.

Rey had been so connected to him that at times he felt her as part of himself, like she was a limb he couldn't live without.

But that was a long time ago.

Too long ago.

In his mind he saw her face before she closed the door to that ship. He hated that ship. Her betrayal had been so blatant.

He could feel rage swelling up inside of him. He breathed in. Out.

Months had passed since then and strangely enough his connection with Rey had not faded.

Eventually, they both got better at ignoring each other. Rey would not look at him now. He knew that she always sensed him. There were things that always gave her away. She would tense. Then control her breathing. Then try and act normal again.

In the beginning he would watch her with longing. Wishing she had chosen to be by his side. Sometimes his anger made him hate her and want to harm her. Sometimes self-pity consumed him.

From the moment she stopped speaking to him he had never once said a word to her.

But he still saw her. If not through the Force, then in dreams or memories.

She was like a ghost haunting him with impassioned speeches meant to turn him towards the light.

Strange warmth enveloped him suddenly, waking him up from his thoughts.

"Ben." the softest whisper that he felt like a caress on his skin.

"Oh Ben. Please let me see you before I go. Please Ben." His mother's whispered plea was felt like a ripple across the Force. Pure energy. Light. A force in and of itself.

Kylo Ren closed his eyes tight, torn between granting Leia her last wish and using this opportunity to punish her.

"Hello? Can anybody hear me? Do you copy? I need to speak to General Hux? Hello? Do you copy? My name is Poe Dameron and I need to speak to General Hux."

The same message was repeated several times over the empty deck of the First Order ship.

Kylo Ren walked into the room just in time to catch the final sentence that the man had said.

He pressed a button on the commander's pad.

"This is Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron, I imagine you wish to speak to me rather than General Hux."

Poe chuckled briefly.

"My my you are cocky." His grin could be heard even if not seen. "Who do you think you are, Master of the Universe?"

"Yes." Kylo Ren said flatly.

"Haha. Not yet Kylo Ren" he chuckled. And then added on a serious note "and not if I can help it."

Kylo Ren was glaring at the pad, his nostrils flaring. He could feel control slip. He composed himself before asking.

"What do you want Poe Dameron?"

"Oh man." He heard him say distractedly. And then he heard a BB unit communicating with Poe. Then Poe replying "No, I have to keep my word BB8. I know it sucks but Leia asked for this." Then some more BB unit noise. And Poe's reply "It's gotta be done, pal. It's gotta be done."

"Are you ever going to get to the point?" Kylo asked impatiently. "What do you want Poe Dameron?"

Then a noise to his right alerted Kylo that he was no longer alone. General Hux and his Captain were now also on the bridge, looking at him questioningly.

"Is that a rebel you are talking to?" General Hux inquired.

Kylo only nodded.

And then finally Poe Dameron spoke.

It was driving Kylo mad. He wished he would have killed them all sooner.

"I am here to escort you." Poe said.

"I beg your pardon. What kind of nonsense is this?"

"To see your mother. She is dying. Surely you know." Poe said unsure now.

"Of course I know." Kylo said defensively. "I know everything."

"Of course you do" Poe mocked him.

"Which begs the question then, why do you think I would need escorting?" Kylo got out through his teeth.

"I did not say you need it. And I definitely don't want to give it to you. But your mother thought this would be the only safe way for you to see her. I love Leia and would not harm you if she asked me. But for most of the people there you are the monster who took their homes and families from them. They will not think twice about trying to at least attempt to rid the world of you." Poe said all mocking gone from his tone.

Kylo realised then he was indeed speaking to a Leader of the Resistance.

He thought about this for a brief second. He thought about the consequences if he didn't go. And about the consequences if he did go. Neither scenario appealed to him.

He glanced at General Hux, whose whole body was tense, mouth thinned out in a hard line. Disapproving. Of what, Kylo did not care. He remembered some time ago when he told Rey to let go. He remembered his need to let all things die so new things could be born. He felt it then, inside of him. The need for closure. With his mother. Maybe then Kylo would finally feel free.

"Alright" he said to Poe Dameron over the comm. "What is the plan?"

Poe was speechless from Kylo's response. "Right. Yes. Well, for one, I am going to need you to wear normal clothes. With your doom and gloom costume you're gonna stand out too much."

Kylo rolled his eyes at Poe's childish words.

"I will need you to get on one of your ships and come meet me on Jakku. That will be our meeting point. I will pick you up and deliver you to the same spot. During that time I will guarantee for your life."

"I can take care of myself." Kylo Ren stated. The nerve on the little rebel.

"Yes whatever. So meet you there. Gotta go now. "Poe said and communication was disconnected.

Kylo pressed the comm button on the pad and turned to leave the room.

"Supreme Leader you're not actually going?" Hux questioned.

"General Hux. You know I value your work and zeal. You are a most loyal servant. However, you are not my equal. We both already know what happens when you question my orders. Or do I need to remind you?" Kylo said those last words so menacingly that the general flinched and the captain took a step back.

"Out of my way." Kylo barked and exited the bridge.

"Hold on tight. This is gonna be a bit bumpy. Haven't really had time to fix this baby properly after the last time your fleet bombed it" Poe grinned but his tone was resentful.

"We're at war. You decided to be our enemies." Kylo said matter of factly.

"You would have wiped out everyone!" Poe raised his voice.

"No. We would have wiped out everyone who opposed the Order." Kylo replied not phased.

"The Order is corrupt. It needs opposing." Poe combated.

"If you say so." Kylo answered.

Poe just shook his head and used all his energy in making sure the landing was good. Not that he didn't want to see Kylo Ren dead. But Leia. Leia was like a mother to him. And she wanted to see her son. So Poe would bring her son. With a huff of annoyance and completely ignoring the man behind him Poe brought the ship safely to the ground.

Both him and Kylo quickly jumped out. He gave the man a quick look. He looked oddly out of place in Poe's white cotton shirt and deep burgundy jacket. Still, the way he held himself. It reminded Poe of Han Solo and of Leia. His charisma. Her depth. It was strange.

With a shake of his head he motioned for Kylo to follow him, all the time shaking his head. He could not believe that the leader of the First Order was within shooting range and he wasn't going to do it. Shoot him that is.

The things one does for family. He sighed.

"This is good." He whispered to Kylo. "Nobody seems to have noticed who you are so far." He said looking around the crowded common room they had just entered. He waved at Finn and Rose, who had noticed. But they were fine to notice.

 _Phew_ he thought. They had averted the worst. But then all of a sudden a dozen people started noticing him. Then pointing him out to others as well, heads bowing low together to whisper.

 _Oh damn. Here goes nothing_ thought Poe, wondering why they had noticed all of the sudden.

And one look at Kylo confirmed it. Of course he had taken the cap off. With that hair and that scar and that lightsaber he was gripping at his belt you'd have to be dumb not to notice.

Poe sighed prepared to defend him if necessary.

A commotion ahead broke Poe out of his thoughts. Both him and Kylo Ren looked up.

And there was Rey. Walking towards them.

Striding.

 _Angrily_.

Towards them.

Poe felt a genuine moment of fear. I mean she was a Jedi after all.

But she was not coming for him.

She strode all the way to Kylo Ren and only stopped when her feet almost touched his. She was stiff as a board, her hands closed up in fists. She emanated anger, her eyes fiery, her mouth in a hard line.

Kylo's heart skipped a beat. Not from the fear. Or the Force. No, not that force. But because of her. Because it had been so long since he had seen her. Seen her hazel eyes filled with passion. Felt the warmth of her aura, even if now it was fiery red and not the usual gold.

His eyes looked her over hungrily, taking her in. He breathed in deep, as if trying to inhale the very essence of her spirit. He felt drunk, his senses bathed in her.

His expression showed nothing, but inside of him Kylo felt like an entire universe had just exploded.

Poe's eyes moved rapidly from one to another. He saw Finn join him, but did not acknowledge it. Whatever this was, it was going to be fun. He had a look around the room, just out of curiosity and saw that everyone was now looking at the two of them.

"Ben." Rey said between gritted teeth. She could hear people murmur around her.

"What did she call him?"

"How does she know him?"

"Did she call him Ben?"

"Oh my he is actually the general's son."

"Look at that face. That's a Solo any day."

"Ben." She repeated angrily, glaring at him. And then she raised her arm and slapped him flat across the face. Rey thought she heard Rose gasp and Poe snicker.

Kylo Ren's head jerked to the left from the strength of the blow. Then his eyes rose to hers. Black meeting hazel. Fire meeting fire. The Force around them so vibrant, so alive, Rey thought she heard a few people murmur out loud at the amazing energy that was felt in the room, the tension between them filling the whole space. She couldn't believe it herself. How she had missed it. How alive it made her feel.

But she was angry with him. So angry.

"How dare you?" She cried out. And then added. "Your mother is dying Ben. And you use that weakness against us. I know you want to rule the Universe. And I know that you don't want any part of the Light." Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears now. "But this is Leia. She is your mother. And I know that a part of you feels for her Ben. I cannot believe that you are that much of a monster."

Kylo Ren had not said one word during Rey's impassioned speech. He did not know what to say. Or how what she just did made him feel.

But before he could say a word, his mother appeared also into the common room.

"Ben." She whispered and extended a hand. She looked pale and week.

Kylo looked at her indecisively. He was not Ben. And he was not here to comfort sick old people.

He was Kylo Ren and he had just been humiliated in front of the entire Resistance.

Rey pressed a warm hand on his chest. His bare chest, in fact, as Poe's shirt was open at the neck. Not something he noticed. Not until she had touched him.

Rey looked at her hand on his chest and then quickly pulled it back, her cheeks tinted with red.

"I lost my temper I am, Ben I am so-

"It's Kylo Ren." He cut her off.

She raised her eyes to his, no trace of tears left. She squared her shoulders.

"I see. Kylo then. I am sorry."

"It's of no importance."

"But you're bleeding." She raised her fingers to his cheek as if to touch him. Kylo could not take that. Not now. In a swift move he gripped her hand tightly in his.

"Don't. I have deeper scars, I assure you. Some of which you gave to me. I do not need your tender ministrations now." He said squeezing her hand tighter with every word.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Finn ready to fight him and Leia's concerned look.

Rey's beautiful, hazel eyes only burned into his. And he knew he was hurting her, but she said nothing. Bore it to restore his dignity. Allowed him to restore the balance.

With one final look in her eyes, he dropped her hand brushed past her and towards Leia, who extended her arms out.

But he also brushed past Leia and walked all the way outside, leaving everyone behind him speechless.


	3. Chapter 3: Changes

Changes

Hours after the battle on Crait

"What will we do now General?" Finn asked the question that seemed to be on everyone's mind.

"Now we rebuild." Leia replied, hands clasped tightly together. She caught Poe's eye and nodded at him.

He took that as a go ahead to begin informimg everyone what the plan was. They would go to this planet he had found. Small planet, almost completely deserted except for some mercenaries and outlaws that had found it to be a good hideout. Poe had found out about it through his brother, who everyone knew wasn't always on the right side of the law.

Rey listened quietly trying to process everything that had happened in the last few hours. Frankly, a great deal had happened in the last few hours.

She had gone to Ben.

She had almost died.

Because she had gone to Ben.

And then he had asked her to join him. Begged her.

"You're nothing. But not to me." He had said. Whatever that meant.

What did it mean? She wasn't sure.

Then she had fought hard on the side of the Resistance. Now all she had was a broken lightsaber and the Force knowledge of Luke's death.

Listening to Poe's plan she admitted that it was the right thing. It was a good plan. Go to a remote planet. Ask for help. Train. Regain territories. Start small but perservere. It was the best chance they had.

What bothered her was not knowing what she was supposed to do. Rey still did not know what her role was in the whole story. Was she a Jedi? She had never trained, but she could use the force and had chosen the Light. Was that enough to be a Jedi? Probably not.

Rey felt a wave of dissapointment wash over her. She remembered the excitment she experienced when Leia had asked her to find Luke. A really big part of her believed that she would finally find the meaning of her story. Her belonging.

She had felt she had found it, even if only briefly. When her and Kylo touched, when she saw his future. But more importantly when she saw how essential she was to his future. She found purpose in that.

But it had all been taken away from her. Kylo Ren had chosen. And it was not the Light.

"Rey?" Poe was waving at her.

Rey shook herself and replied. "Yes?"

"Leia said you have something to share."

Rey looked at Leia who was smiling kindly in her direction.

"Yes." She squeared her shoulders and stood. Then walked in front of the group. Before speaking, she looked over everyone. Perhaps a dozen people in total. Too few.

But somehow it gave her courage. Even if they were few, they were committed. She could tell just by looking at these people that they would not back down from any fight.

"Luke Skywalker is dead." She did not know why she decided to start that way, but it made sense. To give the bad news first.

That gained a few gasps and murmurs. Leia looked down and Poe leant in to hug her from the side.

"His death was peaceful. I could feel it in the Force." She continued.

"You have the Force." Somebody she did not know ask.

"Yes. I do. And Luke managed to show me a few things before he died. But generally speaking, I am untrained. I am not a Jedi, but the Force has made me.. umm.. capable."

She swallowed her mouth dry. She was unused to so many eyes watching her so intently.

"There is more." she added, mindful of how what she was going to say would affect Leia.

"Before the battle on Crait. I was not on the island with Luke anymore. I was on the Supremacy." Leia gasped. Poe and Finn frowned. The rest of the Resistance just looked at her wide eyed.

"It's hard to explain but I went there to see Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren as he most widely known. I..." she paused, looking down and tightening her hands into fists. "I had reason to believe that he would turn. Kylo took me to Snoke. And Snoke tortured me to find out Luke's exact location. And when I did not give it to him he told Kylo Ren to kill me." Leia gasped again, even louder. Rey's eyes flew to her.

"He didn't even try, Leia." She whispered passionately, reassuring her. "In fact he killed Snoke." She held Leia's gaze but then Rey's own turned glossy. She felt as though she was reliving the moment all over again.

"We fought together to defeat Snoke's guards but then Ben...Kylo, Kylo chose to stay. He did not turn. I am so sorry Leia. I could not turn him. In the end he chose the darkness." She barely whispered the last words, tears glistening in her eyes. But she held them in. She would not cry again because of Kylo Ren.

Leia raised herself to her feet and walked to Rey. She enfolded her in a hug, whispering words of comfort. Rey hugged her back fiercely.

"So Kylo Ren is the Supreme Leader of the First Order now. That sure complicates things." Poe sighed.

Rey and Leia turned to face him, concern written over their features.

"What are we to do now, General?" One woman asked. Rey thought it was the captain.

"We are going ahead with the plan. So Chewie, Finn, step on it. I need to speak to Rey in private. Everyone else, go rest. You have earned it. Tomorrow we will rebuild a Resistance out of ashes. But for today we will enjoy what we do have. Friendship. Family. And a great deal of liquor." She grinned. "Han always kept a supply of liquor on this ship. Chewie lead Poe to it. Let's drink for our fallen brothers and raise a glass for those who survived." General Organa finished on that impassioned note and grabbed Rey's hand leading her into what would have been Han's private chamber.

"Hmm. Still looks the same." She said with half a smirk. She sat on the narrow bed and patted the place next to her.

Rey sat down and Leia grabbed her hands in hers.

"You are a very brave girl Rey. The bravest I have known. And there are no words for me to say how much I appreciate what you did for my son. That you went for him, sacrificed your own life to set him free. Now tell me, if you please, how did you know? How did you know that he would turn if you went?"

"It's a long story." Rey said and looked at Leia who gave her a look that said, I'd like to hear it nonetheless.

"Snoke tied me and Ben through the Force. So we were able to see each other. In the most inappropiate moments too "Rey blushed at that gaining a curious look from Leia.

"What do you mean connected?"

"I saw him. Spoke to him. He was conflicted." Rey raised her voice passionately. And she knew she was right. He was conflicted. But maybe not anymore.

"And this one time, we touched." Leia's eyes went wide.

"Through the Force?" She asked.

"Through the Force. And I saw his future. So vivid and clear. Like I am seeing you know.

"May I ask what you saw?" Leia said hesitantly.

Rey blushed. She did not know how to describe it into words.

"You don't have to if you can't." Leia assured patting her hand.

"So why did Ben not turn?" She continued.

"I don't know. But the moment Snoke was dead he asked me to join him. And to let old things die. He begged me to come be by his side. But I couldn't. I couldn't let all of you die. So we fought. And managed to break the saber in two. Ben was knocked out by the blow but I wasn't, so I ran away."

Leia said nothing for a while. But Rey could tell she was crying silently. Suddenly she hugged Rey and whispered;

"Thank you so much. You have restored my hope. I believed my son to be lost. To hear now that I know the person, the only person that can turn him is an amazing relief."

"But, I failed." Rey said. Leia grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly.

"No you haven't. Your vision, it has not been fulfilled yet. Otherwise your bond would be broken. Is it broken?"

Rey shook her head.

Leia just beamed.

"Amazing. You will bring Ben back. I believe it. Truly I believe in you Rey."

Rey just stood there incredulous as Leia hugged her for a great while longer.

She really wished she had the same faith in herself.

A*A*A

Later that night

Rey awoke with a gasp. Her dream had been so vivid, so terryfing. She had said yes to Kylo. And she felt.. She really didn't know.

A strong sense of awareness made her alert. She looked across her room and sure enough there he was. Only, he was not looking at her. He was not looking at all. In fact he was sleeping.

Hesistantly, Rey got out of her bed and walked as silently as she could towards where his bed was. It was so strange, to be a galaxy apart and still be able to see one another.

As Rey got closer she could see that he wasn't wearing a shirt. She felt herself flush at the realisation but could not stop herself from looking at him. He looked... different. Getting closer, she noticed that he was slightly shaking, his whole body tense and sweaty. He was murmuring something but she could not understand. So she got closer still. Close enough to feel his breath on her cheek as she leaned in to listen to his murmur.

How strange she thought. This connection. This bond between them that would connect them at such unusual times.

"Solo." He gasped out. "Father." Just a breath, a whisper. But the gut wrenching sound pulled at Rey's heartstrings. She could feel the regret and the longing in his voice. And something else, something that sounded so much like the cry of her own heart: loneliness.

Incomplete.

She wanted to touch him then. Anywhere. Anyhow. Just a small touch. For comfort.

His or yours? A voice whispered inside of her head, that sounded oddly like Luke Skywalker.

"No" she whispered. Choice made, she turned around and tried to Force push him out of her room. This was her space. She needed to be alone.

Back turned towards Kylo Ren she frowned terribly at the bed trying to make him dissapear.

"It doesn't work." She heard him say, his voice groggy from sleep, yet still so cultured, so deep.

"The Force is still connecting us. Why?" He added, his voice curious.

"I don't know." Rey let out a bit more aggresively than she'd wanted. She did not look at him, but she could feel him, watching her.

"Hmm. Neither do I. Do we find out?" He asked.

Rey turned around and walked angrily up to him, not stopping until she was almost touching the bed he was in. She saw him flinch back for a split second, before composing himself. Staring her in the eyes, he squared his shoulders and hardened his jaw.

"You have made your decision Ben. And I want to have nothing to do with you anymore. From now on, even when the Force connects us, I will ignore it. I will ignore you. I don't care the Force is connecting us. We are not friends." She finished passionately.

"Are we enemies then?" His voice was deep and strong, but Rey detected the barest hint of vulnerability. Even half naked and in bed he still commanded the space between him. But beneath his stone exterior, she detected something. Fear? Loneliness? She did not know what it was, but it broke her heart. For him. For herself.

The temptation to touch him was irresistible. And still she denied herself, afraid of what would happen if they did touch through the Force again. So she touched him with her eyes instead, kindness etched in her every feature. She traced his scars, some really old, others new. Scars that she had given him. She traced them all with her beautiful hazel eyes.

When her eyes met Ben, the longing between them stretched tight like an invisible cord. It stretched and stretched as their breathing became laboured and their eyes did not leave each other.

It stretched and stretched until...

It snapped.

And everything dissapeared, leaving Rey staring at an empty room desperately trying to catch her breath.

She closed her eyes and leant against her bed. Mouth dry and heart sore, she made a promise to herself. She would never aknowledge the Force connection between them ever again.

A*A*A

Months later

Rey threw Finn to the ground. With a grunt he rolled over and Poe charged ahead towards her. Still holding Finn pinned to the ground she outstretched her arm towards Poe and used the Force to hold him on the spot. Rose then joined in going for Rey's throat. Rey threw Poe onto the ground and used her now free hand to twist Rose's hands behind her back. She then got up and using her other hand she Force grabbed Finn and brought him to his feet. Then using the Force she she moved Finn and Rose next to Poe on the ground.

They all laughed good naturedly.

"That was the best one yet, Rey." Rose said excitedly clapping her hands.

"Yes, thank you everyone for the help with training." She smiled at them.

"Of course. You're our secret weapon after all." Poe laughed and slapped her on the back.

"Smooth Poe." Finn exclaimed dusting himself off.

Rey just laughed and grabbed her staff.

"Still not found a way to fix the lightsaber?" Rose asked concerned. "Because you will need it if you are to face him and -

"I know." Rey cut her short.

"Okay." Rose replied before giving her a short hug.

In the months following the battle on Crait, her and Rose had become good friends. She liked Rose. She was brave and strong but also sweet and kind. She was perfect for Finn. Who still found having a girlfriend was strange. Good. But strange.

Rey winked at him as he grabbed Rose's hand and started ahead towards the main Resistance camp. They were on a field nearby now, a space they always used for training.

They had traveled to this planet as per Poe's directive. And they had built something. And although it was still small it had grown considerably in the past months. Many Resistance leaders from other planets had joined them and brought other people with them. Some soldiers, some scientists, others to cook and tend to everyone. But their base was now significant. And it was growing still.

That made Rey smile as she followed behind Finn and Rose, Poe beside her.

"How was she today?" She asked Poe quietly.

Poe sighed. "Still trying to reach him. But she's either not getting through to him or he is ignoring her." He said annoyed.

Rey sighed too.

"He is stubborn, Poe. And he probably needs more time-

"She is dying, Rey." Poe interrupted. "There is no better time than this." He exclaimed.

Rey stared straight ahead. She understood Poe. She was also angry with Kylo.

"Besides, you know we need him on our side if we hope to have the smallest chance of winning this. And Leia, she wants him by her side."

"I know, Poe. But he is not likely to come to our side. You know I tried." She sighed again.

"I know Rey. And no offense, but you are no one to him. I know that the Force convinced you that you can turn him. But in the end it will be family. It is always family that rescues us. I believe Leia can do it." Poe declared passionately just as they had reached the base. He waved at her and went inside.

Rey just stood there. She felt as if Poe had slapped her. She was nothing to Ben. Was he right? Was she wrong? Why had she thought she could turn him? Was a vision enough? She was no one and still... Ben had told her she was not nothing to him.

"Agh." She exclaimed hitting the ground with her staff. She huffed and then followed Poe inside.

A*A*A

Later that day

Rey paced the entire length of her room. She wanted to go to Leia. And speak some sense into her. But she was still General Organa. So she could not just order her about. She could try. But it would not work.

Leia was a stubborn woman. One had to be, she guessed, if she was leading an entire galaxy's Resistance against the forces of evil. Particularly if those evil forces were her own son.

She huffed.

She puffed.

She paced.

Until somebody knocked.

"Can I come in?" Finn asked.

"Yes." Rey replied, finally stopping her pacing.

"Leia's finished with Poe now." Finn just looked pointedly at her. "He's going, you know. Kylo Ren never communicated with Leia, so she's sending Poe to try. One last time."

"It will not work." Rey stated with conviction. "We cannot simply manipulate him into coming here. And then what are we going to do Finn?"she carried on passionately.

"You remember the last time you faced him in battle?"

Finn nodded.

"He is powerful." She sighed. "Very powerful."

"Are you afraid Rey?" Finn questioned.

Rey thought about that for a minute. Was she afraid? Of Kylo Ren? Maybe.

Of Ben Solo, she was terrified.

Snoke had been right about her inability to stay away from him, because he was conflicted. Because she could see his future. It was insane, but she was more afraid of his vulnerability than his power. Kylo Ren she was able to fight. But Ben Solo.. she wasn't so sure about that.

"I am not afraid." She replied, conviction marking every word.

"Okay great. But you know I do have a back up plan. To escape you know." Finn whispered conspiratorily.

"You're joking right?" Rey laughed.

"Yes." He hugged her. "These people are my family. You are my family. I am in this until the end." He laughed with her.

There was a long pause, before Finn spoke again.

"You know, Rey. We've achieved amazing things since we've come here. We've grown from barely a dozen to three hundred. Symphatizers now send us money, weapons and resources twice a week. And we have at least four other rebel bases in the Galaxy." He grabbed her by the shoulders and continued.

"I know he has almost conquered the whole Galaxy. But the people are fighting back. We are fighting back." He finished confidently, softly squeezing her shoulders.

"Yes, we are." Rey nodded. She was going to end the conversation there, but then she remembered something she had heard, and that she wanted to share with her friend.

"Listen, Finn I have heard some rumors. About some kids who can use the Force. I think we should gather them together and bring them here." Finn was looking at her like she was only half-crazy.

"Ughh.. that could work I guess. What would we do with them?"

"I was thinking I could train them?You saw how far I got with using the Force. Sure, I could never train them to be Jedi. But they could at least be good soldiers." Rey replied excitedly. "And then also I was thinking we could give them a family. If they don't have one." She finished, raising her eyes to his, hesitant but hopeful.

"Let's tell Leia." Finn nodded smiling.

"Yes." Rey laughed. "Yes."

Finally, finally she felt there was a purpose in sight for her.

A place in the story.

A*A*A

A week later

Rey was swishing her staff around the pile of rocks. She pointed it forwards, then to the side.

She loved her staff.

But for crazy reasons she really missed her lightsaber. Luke's lightsaber.

She dropped her staff and looked longingly towards the broken lightsaber. She wished she could find a way to recover it or better yet, get her own.

"You miss it don't you?" Leia whispered softly, causing Rey to jump around. And sure thing, there she was, all princess and general rolled into one. An odd combination, that suited her perfectly.

"How are you?" She asked, concerned.

"I am well. As well as I can be I guess." She said with a soft smile. "But don't let me interrupt your training. I was enjoying watching you. Reminds me of Luke." She smiled. And then added with a frown. "And Ben." She looked at Rey curiously. "Yes, you remind me so much of Ben. The passion, the dedication. Relentless. Fierce. Stubborn." She laughed at that last word.

"Will he come?" Rey asked putting down the lightsaber and grabbing her staff again.

"I don't have high hopes. I hope he will. Because if he does not, this will hurt him more than me. I don't want him to carry this with him." Leia said softly, her voice weak from the effort.

Annoyed Rey hit the rock so forcefully, a piece of it fell off.

Leia studied the girl. She was such an interesting girl. No family, no background. No one to teach her the difference between right or wrong. Yet Light seemed to be an intrinsic part of her, her willpower so strong.

Still Leia could see she was struggling. She felt she had no purpose. Her identity was a mystery to herself. And the time she had spent with Ben had shook her to the core.

Leia could see how she tried to hide her feelings, deny herself. Because it was the right thing to so.

It caused her to be in awe of this girl, simple and unimportant, who had nonetheless become so essential to her and to her son. It puzzled her.

"I've actually come to tell you something." Leia said as she looked at Rey. "Your idea to bring in the children here, the ones with the Force. I have approved it and will also make official announcements at the bases. I believe in you Rey. If anyone can save us all, it's you." She smiled at Rey tenderly.

Rey threw her a look of immense gratitude.

"I won't dissapoint you Leia." She declared.

"Good." Leia nodded.

A*A*A

Rey was angry today. She was really angry. Poe had been gone more than a week and he had brought no news of Kylo.

Leia was more ill with each passing day. And Rey suspected that her son's rejection had cut off the last thread of hope she was hanging by.

She was wasting before her eyes and Rey could do nothing about it.

In the first few days she had tried ro conjure up the Force bond, but she could not control that so nothing happen. And that frustrated her beyond anything. Mostly because she would have loved to tell Kylo off for hurting his mother in this way.

She knew he was their enemy. But she also had seen the conflict within him.

In all fairness this actually terrified her because if the conflict had been resolved and Ben would not come then it meant she had lost him for good.

She was pondering all this as she was watching over Leia when she heard some commotion outside Leia's cabin.

She pushed the leather curtain aside and walked outside. As soon as she stepped into the common room the noise got louder.

And then she felt it.

The Force. An energy, humming. She felt it so hard and unexpectedly it seemed to seep right through her skin.

She felt goosebumps.

And then she looked up.

Immediately, her eyes connected with his. Two fiery gazes meeting. And she felt that cord, the cord that was always between them, that seemed to tie them together.

Confused but still angry she strode all the way to him. He looked so odd in civilan clothes. Too much like his father. It almost made her soft. She had really cared for Han Solo, no matter how briefly she had known him.

When she stopped before him, emotions completely overtook Rey. She was angry with him. So angry that she had slapped him.

After that everything became a blur.

She felt sorry for him. She had slapped him so hard that she managed to draw blood.

That made her regret it.

So she touched him.

What a Mistake.

Touching him had completely overwhelmed her senses, the cord between them stretching so hard it made it hard to breathe.

And she kept wondering to herself, what had possesed her to do such a thing.

Filled with regret, she allowed him to regain his dignity in front of the crowd gathered to watch them.

Then he was gone.

And Rey was left staring at a room that was staring at her. Some people looked at her with fear, others with awe.

She didn't know what she felt.

Relief.

That he was here.

Fear.

That he would bring down the entire First Order fleet on them.

Anger.

That he had walked away.

And at herself, for losing control.

And most of all she felt heartache. He had changed.

Conflicted yes. But also controlled.

And in his eyes she had seen something that was probably just as vivid in her own.

Longing.

Rey's eyes lifted to Leia's concerned ones.

I am sorry she mouthed. Leia nodded and walked on after her son.

"Well this should be fun." Poe exclaimed.


	4. Chapter 4: Unbidden

Chapter 4: Unbidden

Kylo Ren looked around his mother's quarters. It looked dreary and simple. _Not really fit for a princess_ he thought.

As he looked around he could see the evidence of her illness. Different kinds of medicine were strawn about her room and her bed was unmade. It looked like she had hastily got up now but otherwise had spent the rest of her days there.

"Ben. I am so glad you came." She said on a soft and calm tone. Almost soothing.

Kylo did not know how to feel about it.

He turned around and looked at her. He knew he was probably frowning but he couldn't care less. He gave her a long look studying every part of her. She looked old. Perhaps even beyond her years.

"I thought you were dead." He let out.

"Not yet." Leia breathed out.

"No. I meant, before. When your ship exploded months ago. I thought you had died." He paused. "Until you started reaching out for me again through the Force."

"Yes." She sighed and flinched slightly, holding her side. "Mind if I sit?" She gestured towards the bed.

Kylo just shook his head but made no attempt to help her sit down.

With a soft grunt Leia sat down and then looked at her son and smiled. Her heart was so relieved he had come. And she told him that.

"I am not here to stay." He replied. "I only came to ask you to surrender." He stated.

Leia's eyes grew wide. She opened her mouth to speak but Kylo spoke first.

"I know you think you are doing well, but I am wining. And you know just as well as me that I will eventually win." Kylo touched his lightsaber and squared his shoulders, as if to show his mother the full height of the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

"All you are doing is prolonging this war. It's causing loses on either side, it's true. But more so on your side." He finished confidently. He believed what he said and he wished that for once he could convince his mother of the truth.

Leia regarded her son for a long time. She took in his thick hair, his patrician nose ( so much like his father's it made her smile) and his piercing black eyes. She looked at his stature, taking in the full power of his presence, the way his personality seemed to fill the room.

And strange enough, that made her think of Rey.

She smiled at Kylo.

He threw her a skeptic look before marching towards her. He stopped in front of her.

"So? Do you accept surrender?" He regarded her curiously, trying to manipulate her emotions through the Force. Trying to make her change her mind.

"Oh Ben. That won't work. You forget who my family is." She laughed softly. The laughter irritated him deeply. Suddenly he felt like a child again. And he remembered that feeling again. Of trying to impress his mother, garner her attention away from military strategy and towards himself. And he remembered how he failed. Every time. With a sharp look at her he turned around and strode across the room, hands clasped tightly behind his back.

"Is this a joke to you?" He got out between gritted teeth. "You know I can have you and your pathetic rebel base drstroyed in a matter of seconds. Part of me wonders whether you would be moved then? Because this has been your child, correct?" He looked at her then with an accusatory look.

Leia's heart went out to him. Her little boy, hidden beneath the mask of a ruthless emperor.

"Oh Ben. Is that what you think? That I have loved them more than you?" She said.

"I know you have. Otherwise you would have not given me away. And stop calling Ben. That's not my name. That is the name you gave to a child that was once yours. Now, I am neither yours nor a child. My name is Kylo Ren." He said calmly but forcefully.

Leia was struck at his words but could feel the pain behind them so she did not push him.

"That's why I called you here. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness. I was young and foolish. I was an idealist and I was terrified of the power I saw in you." She said soflty in between gasps of pain.

"You have to understand." She pleaded. "I saw what that thirst for power did to my father. I did not want that for my son. And I tried to keep you safe in the best way I knew. I see now that I was wrong." She looked at the floor. And then straight into Kylo's eyes. "I should have kept you with me. And for that I am sorry. I am sorry I took away the life you could have had and personally condemned you to such a lonely existence. Please forgive me Ben, Kylo." She finished almost out of breath.

Kylo was conflicted. He hated being conflicted. It had brought him immense amounts of trouble. He did not want to feel anything towards his mother. But he did. He felt a deep hatred. He felt pity. And most of all he felt like he desperately wanted to curl at her chest and hold on to her and never let her go.

But all those feelings...they were part of Ben Solo. The man he had put to death.

Kylo Ren had no family. No pity. Mercy was something he could not afford.

"You don't need to apologise to me. Your son is dead. I am a new man now. I am not Ben Solo. You have no debt towards me. Since you will not relent, I will take my leave. I have spent enough time behind enemy lines without attempting to destroy you all. Good day madam." He nodded and went towards the door. But not before seeing Leia wince and a tear escape her eye.

"What about Rey?" Leia raised her voice.

Kylo froze.

"What about her?" He said not turning around.

"She is your equal in the Force. I saw the lightsaber. It broke in two equal parts. Surely you know what that means." Leia grunted out.

Kylo turned around and looked at her not able to hide the question in his eyes. He did not know what it meant and he desperately wanted to find out.

"You don't know what it means." Leia said puzzled. "but how could you not know?"

Kylo frowned. It was a weakness. He disliked being reminded of his weaknesses.

"It means that she completes you." Kylo frowned harder not liking the way that sounded. Or liking it too much, he wasn't sure.

"It means that you will never be able to defeat the other because your destiny, your calling in the Force is to unite. When you come together you restore balance to the universe. But you can only do it together. As long as you oppose each other in the Force, the tension will only grow. And that has a ripple effect on the whole galaxy." She added passionately.

"Are you quite finished?" Kylo asked impatiently.

Leia regarded him for a while. She desperately wanted to scratch that tough surface he was showing her and see the rawness. Impulsively, she said.

"Do you love her?"

Kylo Ren turned around sharply and glared at his mother. How dare she?

"No." He stated. "I am leaving."

"Ben, wait. I just.. do you have nothing else to say?" She pleaded with him and he could see she was crying. "I will... I will be gone soon. And we will never be able to do this. Please say you forgive me. Please."

Kylo Ren was conflicted. Again. And he hated the feeling beyond anything else.

"I cannot forgive you. You abandoned me. Your own son. And you loved them. They are more your child than I ever was." He gestured in the direction of the common room. "Besides, Ben Solo is dead." And with that Kylo Ren turned around and exited his mothers quarter, the tightness in his chest incredibly familiar. He welcomed the pain he felt inside. He welcomed it because it numbed any other feeling.

And for the first time in months, it allowed him to not be consumed with thoughts of Rey.

A*A*A

The same could not be said of Rey, who was currently viciously destroying every tree in the training field.

The worse thing was that it wasn't just her thoughts or emotions she couldn't control.

But the Force. She felt strange using it. She felt the pull towards Kylo everytime she did use it. And it was all the more stronger because he was nearby.

"I can't believe you chose this over rulling the galaxy with me." Kylo said casually, making Rey jump with surprise. He was walking slowly towards her and did not stop until he was about a foot away from her. Rey gripped her staff harder, prepared for a fight.

"Why do you always do that?" He said softly looking at the tight grip she had on her staff. "Why do you assume I will attack you?" He looked at her quizically. "Am I such a threat? Are you afraid of me?" He smirked slightly.

"I am not afraid." Rey said passionately, not backing down.

"Hmm... you should be." He definitely smirked this time. And then added on a serious almost threatening note. "I will destroy you if you stay in my way."

Rey paused.

Those last words he had said. The way he'd said them ... It did not inspire fear in her. But something else. Somehow, she had felt deeper, beneath the words he had actually said to the rawness of his wound.

And she felt the craziest urge to hug him.

Slap him too.

And then hug him again.

She stepped closer to him her eyes never leaving his. His widened with surprise and something else, hope? But he quickly schooled his features back into an impassible mask.

"Are you really lost Ben? Is this really who you've chosen to be?" She leaned in even closer, searching his eyes. Finding what she was looking for she confidently declared.

"No. I can still see the conflict in you." Without thinking twice she craddled his face in her hands. She held him for dear life.

"You can still come to the Light, Ben. It's not too late." She whispered, her words full of passion and conviction.

Kylo Ren just stared at her, unable to articulate a word.

He could not remember the last time anyone had touched his face.

It must have been his mother. But he had left her when he was only twelve years old.

Surely, it couldn't have been thirteen years ago, right?

Her hands were warm and soft. And they felt good on his skin.

He really had not realised what he had been missing. Spending all these years without human contact...

Marvelling at all the sensations that were suddenly awokened in him, he moved his palm on top of Rey's.

Rey gasped at the contact. It was the Force. It must be. It felt like she was surrounded by it. An energy, going to the depths of her being and humming. Humming all around them.

They stared into each others eyes for what seemed like hours, none of them ready to relinqush the feeling of being complete.

"Ben." Rey whispered softly. So softly, it felt like a breath.

And for the first time in months he answered to that name.

"Yes?" He said and his voice shook slightly.

"What is happening to us?"

"I don't know. It's the Force. It wants us together. Can you see anything?" He said his eyes never leaving hers.

"Yes, the future. It's the same as before." She frowned. "But I thought-

"Yes." He declared. " I see the same thing. As before."

"I don't understand." Rey's frown deepened and she moved her hands, ready to move away from Kylo. But he was quicker than her and grabbed both her hands in his.

"Don't. Not yet." His voiced croaked with need. A need Rey felt as her own.

She relented.

"Rey!" Poe shouted running towards them.

Both Rey and Kylo dropped their hands quickly and looked towards Poe.

"It's an emergency. Come." He waved, glaring at Kylo.

Rey looked at Kylo and then at Poe.

Then she ran towards Poe, without a second glance.

Kylo only glared at the two of them, an unfamiliar emotion taking root in his chest. He suddenly wanted to chop Poe into little pieces and feed him to space monkeys.

Gritting his teeth, he turned around and went to wait for Poe by his space ship. Still angry with him, he decided he had had enough of the way these little rebels had behaved towards him. Annoyed, he smoothly climbed into the ship and took off towards Jakku.

A*A*A

"He took my ship." Poe burst into the room.

"You mean he is gone? And we let him go?" Finn said outraged.

"He knows where we are now." He threw an accusatory look at Leia. "What's stopping him from destroying us now?"

"I am sorry." Leia said wrapping her arms around herself.

"I will think of something. We would not have stayed here in any case. We need a proper base." She continued.

"Attolon." Rey said. "They have issued the official invitation. Their planet has been completely liberated from First Order rule."

"Yes. Yes." Leia nodded with a small smile. "Poe, establish communication with Attolon. Let them know we are coming."

"Yes ma'am." Poe saluted happilly, grabbed Finn and together they left Leia's quarters.

"Rey." Leia looked at her. "Attolon. They have a kyber crystal. They used to deal them on the black market. And almost all of them were gone. But the leader of the Resistance there assures me he is in possesion of one." Leia moved towards the bed and sat down. Then continued. "The leader, Darmir, he will show you how to build your lightsaber. Some of his family was part of the Jedi order. Darmir does not have the Force, but he knows a lot."

Rey nodded.

She really missed her lightsaber and the idea of getting one soon really appealed to her.

"There is one more thing Rey." Leia said patting the space next to her on the bed.

Rey went to sit down and grasped Leia's hand in hers.

"I am not coming with you." Leia declared.

Rey sighed softly.

She knew the general was ill and she knew the end was inevitable but she could not imagine going on without her wise counsel, and that strength that inspired everyone.

"I know." She finally replied.

Leia touched her cheek lovingly, like a mother would do a daughter. Rey's eyes glistened with tears.

"I think this is goodbye, then." Leia said. "You and I both know that I do not have long. And we also know I will never abandon my people."

Rey felt a tear slide down her cheek but Leia quickly wipped it away.

"I am so proud of you Rey. If I had had a daughter I would have wished her to be just like you. You are brave. Compassionate. Ressilient. And I go in peace, knowing that even if it will take years, you will bring Ben back to the light."

By the end of her speech, both women started crying.

Then Rey hugged Leia fiercely.

"Thank you for giving me a family. You will live forever in my memory. And I will ensure that the galaxy remembers the princess who sacrificed everything for its good." Rey finished. Pulling away from Leia, she grasped her hands tightly in hers.

"Rey, promise me that you will always remember that forgiveness is the only foundation sturdy enough for a good future. When the time comes, do not withhold if from those who ask for it."

Rey nodded, the weight of Leia's words weighing heavily on her heart.

Standing up, she wiped her tears, grabbed her staff and smiled.

"May the Force be always with you." She saluted.

"May the Force be in you." Leia said back.

They smiled at each other and then Rey was gone.

A*A*A

The Millenium Falcon dissapeared into the vastness of the galaxy. Throughout the ship, people were hurdled together, trying to take one last look at the home they had known for the past months through the small windows.

Some of them had left belongings, others family. But all of them had left the comfort of the home they had known for the past months and had started towards a future that was at best unclear, at worst suicide.

"Where's the general?" Poe asked looking around desperately.

Rey looked away from the vision panel, towards Poe. She shook her head.

"No. No. She wouldn't have stayed. Rey, tell me she did not!"

"I am sorry, Poe. She refused to leave her people behind. And her people refused to leave her. They will protect the base and help us from there in any way they can." Rey said approaching him and lightly touching his shoulder.

Poe shook her hand.

"No." He said angrily. "You don't understand. They will all die. He will attack." He shouted, kicking the first thing he could find. It so happened to be Chewie's food so he let out a sound of outrage.

Poe just glared at him, then at Rey.

"Poe, Kylo Ren will not kill his own mother. He might be many things, but even he has not fallen so low." Rey said fiercely.

"You always defend him. Always. I don't know why you are so sure to know him." He said looking at her skeptically. "You-

Poe was cut off by the cry of the crowd. Suddenly the ship was pure chaos.

Rey and Poe looked at each other before running towards the crowd gathered near the vision panels.

"What is it? What happened?" Rey asked pushing people away, trying to see for herself.

"They're all dead." Somebody sobbed grabbing unto Rey and pulling her in front of the panel.

Rey stood shook still.

She could not believe what was happening before her very eyes. A Star Destroyer had appeared over the planet they had just vacated. Bombs were dropping without ceasing, fire and smoke rising up into the sky.

Leia, she thought.

And then tears started flowing unbidden.

Leia. She was gone.

Sadness then filled her heart and she cried.

She cried for Leia. She cried for all the people in the Falcon that had lost everything. She cried for herself. And she cried for Ben.

Making no sound, she laid her hand on the glass, almost as if to comfort them.

Her heart was broken. And her loss without precedent.

 _Meanwhile, on Supremacy_.

Kylo Ren strode onto the bridge of his ship.

"Can you explain to me what is going on Hux?" He barked, hand extended to Force-choke him.

"I am destroying the Rebels, si-sir." He gasped, almost turning blue.

"And who told you, you could?" Kylo tightened his grip.

"You sir. A few days ago. You said that." The truth of Hux's words and the memory of when he gave that order, made Kylo freeze. This allowed Hux fo breathe again.

Without a word Kylo turned around and exited the room. He walked blindly through the ship, squeezing every item in his way and Force-choking every person he met.

When he got to his quarters, he grabbed his lightsaber and proceded to destroy every single thing in the room.

Then he moved to Hux's quarters, single-handedly destroying every space in between.

Still, it was not enough.

Not enough to rid him of rhe guilt.

Leia. His mother. She was on that planet. And he had killed her. Deliberately.

And Rey. Sheer panic overwhelmed his heart, as he tried to feel her through the Force.

He groaned, held his breath and tried harder.

No sign of Rey.

He felt paralyzed.

She couldn't be dead.

He couldn't be the one to have killed her.

But every time he searched for her through the Force, the search came out empty.

He had lost her.

Chest heaving and murmuring words of deep frustration, he entered his bathroom.

And what a terrible idea that was. Because he saw himself in the mirror then.

He had always felt ugly.

But never more so than in that moment. When every scar, every bruise and every drop of blood on his face seemed to point out one thing and one thing only.

He was a _monster_.

"Aghhhhh!!!" He shouted before, his gloveless fist hit the mirror with such force, millions of shards filled the bathroom floor.

But unfortunately, Kylo had not been fast enough in destroying the evidence of his weakness. Because in that brief second, between his realization that he was a monster and his decision to break the evidence, he had caught a glimpse of his face.

And seen the _tears_ that were flowing unbidden.

He had never hated himself more.


	5. Chapter 5: Still Part I

_2 months later_

Black canvas.

All around him.

In dreams. In thoughts.

He felt like a caged lion.

His face was bleeding. But his heart more so.

Without meaning to.. he carried them around with him.

The people he had killed.

Snoke had always hated that about him. His inability to not feel remorse.

His inability to not feel.

He felt so much. He felt _too_ much.

He'd spent days, months, years trying not to feel so much...but it was always there. The passion within him, burning like a fire.

A terrifying, hungry fire. A force.

Kylo Ren jolted out of sleep.

Breathless, his chest shining with sweat, he shook the hair out of his eyes.

In a swift, almost inhuman motion, he jumped out of bed and went straight to the vanity near his bed.

He gulped a few glasses of water, all the time fighting to catch his breath.

With a loud growl, he smashed his fist in the wall nearest to him.

He had a nightmare again. The same one he had for the past two weeks. He'd tried to shake it out of himself. He'd trained harder, meditated longer. He was more vicious in his conquering and ruthless in his domination of the galaxy.

But no matter how hard he tried, how hard he fought, he just could not... he could not fill up the void inside of him.

He felt utterly and completely _alone_.

And it was weakness that made him care and weakness that made him think about it.

He hated it.

All of it.

But most of all... he just felt broken. Physically broken. Like a part of him had died with his mother and Rey.

He never imagined that once they would be dead that's how he would feel.

Alone.

Angrily pulling his hair out of his eyes, he turned around and walked out of his room.

A*A*A

Rey made a powerful swoosh with her new lightsaber. She felt strange using it. As if Luke's had felt more her own than this one.

The color felt strange. A pure brilliant white.

The handle felt too hard against her hand, the weight a tad too heavy.

Still, she was happy to have a new lightsaber.

"Rey" an agonized whisper in her ear, in her heart. It made her look up. Nothing.

"Rey!" Poe shouted running towards her.

"Are you ready?" He said reaching her.

"Yes." She nodded putting her lightsaber away and gesturing to Poe to lead the way.

"You know you don't have to be the one who does this?" Poe said squeezing her elbow gently.

Rey nodded.

"Leia is like a mother to me, Poe. In fact the only one I have ever known." Rey said passionately.

Poe nodded.

They walked in silence for a while, before Rey spoke again.

"I am just so glad she is still alive." Rey smiled briefly.

"Me too, Rey. Me too." Poe grinned and together they entered the base.

A*A*A

 _Meanwhile on Supremacy_

"Supreme Leader." Lieutenant Enoch said approaching Kylo Ren on the deck.

Kylo turned around with a powerful swoosh of his cape.

"What is it?" He said calmly, in a cold voice.

"General Organa, Sir. She is still alive."

Kylo's eyes narrowed. His heart started beating harder.

It wasn't possible. He hadn't felt her through the Force anymore. He still could not.

"We just got word from our base in the Triton System. Apparently General Organa and Maz Kanata were captured as they were trying to steal the blueprints for the new Star Destroyer."

The Triton System. That explained why he couldn't feel her. The distance, perhaps. And if she had also shut him out...

Kylo dismissed the Lieutenant and turned towards General Hux.

"Hux, I want you to oversee negotiations with the Senate. I need to personally investigate this matter." Kylo Ren said and then without waiting a reply, turned around and left the General staring after him.

"Of course Supreme Leader." Hux said sarcastically then turned around to bark more orders at his crew.

Kylo felt like he was possesed

He did not understand why he did not feel his mother through the Force.

And to think he'd been almost _grieving_.

What _a fool._

Strapping the belt around his midrif and putting his saber in the holster at his hip Kylo turned towards the two stormtroopers waiting for him.

"Is my ship ready?" He asked, staring them down.

They both nodded.

With a sigh Kylo pushed past them and strode to his ship.

He felt strange.

Almost... no no. He refused to think like that.

He felt... well, he felt.. _relieved_.

If Leia was alive that meant that Rey... Rey could also be alive.

A*A*A

"Okay, Rey, let's go over this again." Poe said looking at her concerned.

"I press the button inside my left glove once and my real appearance becomes cloaked and I look like Captain Larisa. I press the button twice and ta da! I am me again." Rey said pointing at the glove as she was talking.

Poe nodded but still looked concerned.

"You can do this Rey. And remember, I will be waiting for your signal. R2D2 will be ready to deactivate the alarm system once you are in. Then you can grab the blueprints and find out where they are holding General Organa." Poe grabbed her shoulders. Staring deep into her eyes, he said: "You can do this. We count on you. The galaxy counts on you."

Rey nodded and pressed the button inside her glove once.

Her appearance changed immediately. Her hair became a thick blonde mane, her eyes turned a deep purple blue. Her regular attire was replaced by a First Order uniform and her voice changed pitch. Just like that, she was General Larisa Folda.

"Wow." Rose exclaimed. "Remember to not be nice or calm. General Larisa is renowned for her cruelty. "Rose added.

Rey nodded. Her and Finn exchanged a meaningful look.

Finn was the only one who could join her. As a former stormtrooper he not only knew his way around the ship but also knew how to walk and move as a stormtrooper.

"Ready?" Rey said.

With a longing look towards Rose and a squeze of her hand, Finn nodded and followed Rey into the ship.

A*A*A

"Supreme Leader." Captain Alfred bowed before Kylo Ren, staring up at him in awe. Alfred knew he was staring but that was the first time he had seen his Supreme Leader.

And what an awesome man he appeared. Dressed in all black, mask in place, not one inch of his body revealed to the eye.

More than his actual presence was the power that emanated from him.

Alfred shuddered inside.

"Where is General Folda?" Kylo Ren asked in his mechanical voice.

"The General is not-

"Right here, Supreme Leader." A blonde tall woman walked in with all the power and confidence of one who was used to being obeyed.

In reality, Rey was shaking violently inside, her heart beating so fast she could barely hear over the sound in her ear.

Beside her, Finn gulped.

Facing Kylo Ren head on, she wondered if she could somehow manage to get out of this situation whole.

"General." The man that had been talking to Kylo bowed before her.

"I thought you had already gone." He continued, looking confused.

"I" Rey swallowed. She cleared her throat. "I received word that the Supreme Leader will be coming so I postponed my trip."

In reality she doubted General Folda knew about anything. She was currently lying unconscios in one of the ship hangars and she would probably stay there for a good few hours.

With a nod, Alfred bowed again and left the room.

Kylo Ren turned towards her.

He regarded her curiously and she wondered whether he could feel her through the Force.

If he did, then the whole plan would fall to pieces and Leia would remain here for at least another few weeks.

Determined, Rey tried as best as she could to clear her mind, block him out somehow.

"A word in private, General." Kylo declared, striding out of the room into the General's cabin to the left of the deck.

What an arrogant ass. He just expects me to follow him? She thought, crossed her arms and humphed to herself.

Finn poked her hard in the ribs.

"Go!" He said.

With an annoyed sigh, she followed him into the room.

"I am here for the prisoners." He said, his voice changed by the mask.

Rey felt dumbstruck. She had forgotten the way he made her feel. The way he calmed her, chased the fears away.

Her gaze glided over his body, taking in every powerful inch. Her eyes stopped when she reached his hands.

Those _hands..._ Had touched hers and her whole world had changed.

"General!" Kylo said more forcefully.

"Where are the prisoners?"

The prisoners? She had no idea. That's what she wanted to know as well.

"Aa-" Rey started but was interrupted by a stormtrooper marching in.

"Forgive me General, but there has been a breach. We suspect it's an attempt to free the prisoners. What are your orders?"

"Bring them here." Rey declared. The briliant idea came to her all of a sudden. She didn't need to go to them. And that would also answer Kylo's question.

"Yes General." He nodded and left the room.

Turning towards Kylo Ren, Rey said: "You will see the Prisoners my lord."

 _My lord_.

Saying that felt strange. Not wrong. Which surely meant it was wrong?

He nodded brusquely.

Pacing across the room he appeared to be looking at the decorations in the room.

He seemed to consider something. Rey saw his fists clench then unclench.

Turning towards her abruptly, he stretched out his arm. Rey felt the pull. He was using the Force on her. To move her closer to him, to break through the defense in her mind.

But Rey did not move. She had no idea how to relent to him.

A look of sheer panic crossed her features.

In two powerful strides Kylo Ren stood right before her, only inches apart.

He grabbed her elbow tightly in his grip.

"Who are you?" He said accusingly.

"I am General Larisa Faldo. I am afraid we have not met before, hence the confusion Supreme Leader." Her heart was pounding, but her voice did not shake.

With a grunt Kylo released her and took a step back.

With precision, took off his cape first, then his gloves and finally his mask.

Rey could not help the gasp at seeing his face. It had been so long.

Oh, Ben.

Marching towards her once more, he asked again.

"Who are you? You've seen me. Now let me see you." He whispered the last sentence.

Leaning in close he touched her hand with his. The whisper of a carress at first.. the back of his hand against the back of hers.

Rey closed her eyes tightly.

She was overwhelmed.

Him.

The Force in him.

The Force between them.

She felt pure unadultered pleasure float in the space between then. As if the Force was pleased they were together. As if it had been planning for this very moment.

Leaning in closer, Kylo moved his fingers across her palm, the tips of her fingers.

The emotion she felt then, so foreign to her, seemed to take hold of her hand.

She knew she cared about Ben, wanted to see him come back to the light. She and him, they were alike, and that bonded them.

She knew all these feelings, but whatever she was feeling now.. this .. this was strange to her. It was like her body craved his touch. It was madness.

"I know who you are." He whispered in her ear. He was so close now that his hair tickled the side of her cheek. His hand moved upwards on her arm, inside her glove, his fingers deftly finding and pressing the button hidden there.

Immediately, Rey's appearance changed. The blonde hair was replaced by her dark tresses, woven together in an intricate braid.

Hazel eyes looked into dark eyes.

Depth regarded depth.

No words were spoken, but the fire in their eyes, the fire between them seemed to consume everything. Inside of themselves. Inside of the other.

Kylo Ren was left dumstruck by the beauty of the girl before him. A hunger in him was awakened. A hunger he feared could be and will not ever be fully satisfied.

A hunger not just for her power, but for her soul, for every inch of her.

Their hands became interlocked, breaths mingling.

"Rey." He said her name. A breath.

"Ben." She responded in the same breath.

But as soon as the words were spoken, the spell was broken, realisation sinking into their minds.

Rey's head seemed to clear. And in a swift motion, she pulled out her lightsaber and lit it up.

With a painful look, Kylo also withdrew his lightsaber, meeting Rey's with a forceful intensity.

To be continued...

 **Author's Note:**

 **Really sorry for the delay. It's been a very busy couple of weeks! Hope you enjoyed it. Part II to come very soon. xx**


	6. Chapter 6: Still Part 2

**Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews! Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! Xx**

 _1 week after the attack on the Resistance base_

General Organa took a deep breath.

With a groan she opened her eyes and looked around the room. Then her eyes fell on a familiar face. A face she'd missed.

A dear friend. _Maz Kanata_.

"Where am I?"

"My place." Maz said winking.

"How did you find me?" Leia said wincing from the pain in her bones.

"Easy now." Maz pat her hand. "The Force." She whispered solemnly. Then added "And also your allies. A loud Wookie who seems to know everything and is even louder when his friends are in danger." She smirked.

Leia laughed.

"Thank you Maz." She squeezed her hand gently.

"Don't thank me yet." Maz said all joking gone. "Your boy." She nodded. "We need to bring him back. We need him on our side. We are losing this battle, Leia."

"I know Maz I know. And trust me, there is nothing I want more." Leia said slightly out of breath.

"The girl. Rey. She is-

"Yes, Rey is my only hope right now." Leia cut in.

"I see." Maz pursed her lips nodding.

"Yes." Leia nodded.

"Both of them?" Maz wondered out loud.

"I believe so."

"Now that's an interesting turn of events, my dear friend. Never understimate young love I guess. You know, it was fear of losing the love of his life that pushed your father over the edge. And it was love that saved him. I wonder whether the same will be true of your boy."

"I don't know Maz. I really don't know." Leia and Maz shared a concerned look.

"Well, we will find out. For now rest. We have work to do." Maz grinned and left the room.

Leia sighed.

Rey... she whispered into the empty room. May the Force be with you.

A*A*A

 _Same time on the Supremacy_

Kylo Ren trained.

He barked orders.

He travelled the galaxy.

He conquered planets.

And he encountered no one more powerful than him.

He should have been pleased.

He was pleased.

He was also broken.

At night consumed by nightmares of his father's death, his mother's death and now Rey's death.

Because Kylo was now convinced Rey was dead.

He could not feel her. He could not find her.

He was convinced she was gone.

And every time the conviction ran deeper than his first layer of heart, he broke down.

He destroyed numerous cabins.

He force-choked most of his army.

He took prisoners and tortured them just to prove to himself that he was strong in the Force. That he should still be able to feel Rey.

If she were alive.

Each night he was consumed with the most foregin feeling he had never anticipated... guilt.

And now that he had somehow opened the gates and allowed this incredibly intrusive and inconvienient feeling to take hold of his heart, he felt it for everything.

For killing his father. His mother.

For destroying entire villages.

Everything.

But most of all.. for Rey. For her death.

A*A*A*

 _Present time_

"I thought you were dead!" Kylo let out between gritted teeth, his face illuminated by the lightsaber he kept pressing into Rey's.

Rey's eyes grew wide but she made no sound. Instead using all the strentgh in her body to push back against Kylo.

But he was taller. And stronger.

And definitely angrier.

With a powerful groan he moved his lightsaber over hers and struck again harder than before.

For a reason unknown to her at the time, Rey allowed him to strike. Allowed him to disarm her. She didn't really know why, but somehow it felt as the Force had wanted her do it.

Incredulous, Kylo shouted at her "Why did you let me do that? Have you no sense at all? I could have killed you." He said panting, both hands gripping the lightsaber in front of him. His hair was disheveled, his scar an angry red.

"No." Rey said. And she was convinced it was true. She didn't know how she knew. But she did.

Using the Force she grabbed her lightsaber back in her hand, and she did not light it.

Still keeping her eyes on Kylo, she carefully hooked it back on the belt at her side.

"No, Ben. You wouldn't have killed me." She said taking one step towards him.

Kylo took one step back, but said nothing.

"You were terrified just now. Thinking I was dead." She took another step forward.

"What I don't get is why? Why would you think I was dead?"

Another step forward. "Could you not see me? Feel me through the Force?"

By now Rey was so close that Kylo's angry red lightsaber was only an inch from her face.

Kylo was confused. What was she saying? Was he the only one who could not see her? Feel her? Did she feel him? All this time.

With an angry roar, he smashed his lightsaber into the nearest thing around him, which happened to be the Captain's desk.

With a click his lightsaber was turned off and put in the holster in his belt.

Rey looked at him, unsure of his next move.

They stood staring at each other for a long time.

Somewhere in the distance they could both hear and feel the commotion caused by rebels and stormtroopers fighting, but the connection between them was too strong. The Force drew them together like a magnet.

And it was ... _Irresistble_.

Slowly, never leaving their eyes off each other they moved closer together.

Kylo Ren really could not explain what was happening to him. He knew only that the desire to be close to Rey was stronger than any other desire. Stronger than his desire for power, affirmation and even revenge. That surprised him. But did not scare him as he thought it would. In fact it freed him. He felt liberated. For the first time in a long time, he did not have to feel shame for what he desired. Because he knew in a corner of his heart that it was Good. His desire for her was Good.

The same could not be said for Rey. She was terrified. She felt glued to the spot yet overwhelmed with the greatest desire to run. She felt vulnerable and small. What she felt for Ben, something she hadn't allowed herself to think about or entertain.. the possibility that what she felt for him was far greater than she imagined.

She did not just care for him as she would for any other person in need of compassion. No she cared for him as if he was hers.

 _Hers_.

Hers to hold.

And as if she was his.

 _His_.

As if she _belonged_.

And for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, Rey was not alone. She did not feel alone and she was not alone.

Unable to resist the overwhelming feeling of relief, she threw herself at Ben and hugged him fiercely.

Kylo Ren was shocked at first. But his body quickly recognised the response that was expected of him.

Wrapping his arms around Rey's waist, he pulled her harder into his chest.

The feeling was so foreign to him that he could not help himself from squeezing her tight and pressing his nose against her throat, in the place her neck met her jaw.

Rey shivered and pressed her face into his hair, tightly squeezing him back.

She knew it was crazy and she knew it would not be long before she would have to let go, so without a second thought, she pressed her mouth against his neck and kissed him sweetly.

It was an almost reverent kiss, pressed tenderly against his pulse. It was a silent way of letting him know that his life was precious.

Kylo Ren's body trembled with the tenderness of that moment. And that terrified him.

Immediately, he pulled out of her arms, his eyes focusing on hers. He felt like someone who had just woken from a dream, dazzed and unable to focus on anything but the girl in front of him.

"Go." He groaned.

Rey looked at him confused.

"Leave! Now!" He shouted making her flinch.

"Come with me, Ben." She pleaded stretching out her hand towards him. And it reminded him of that night in the throne room, only now the roles were reveresed. She was pleading and he.. he did not hesitate.

In a furious move, he grabbed his lightsaber and lit it in front of Rey threateningly.

"I said go!"

"But Ben-

He cut her off. "Leave before I change my mind. You friends are here for you." He spat out. He was furious, to have allowed himself to be weakened by this insignificant girl. She was nobody.

 _Not to you, though._

Rey just stared at him, with tears flowing down her cheeks. She really did not understand what had happened. She felt the connection between then. And yes she was terrified too, but more terrified of losing it than feeling it.

"Rey" he said, pained. "Go! Now!"

But Rey was stubborn. She always had been, and she knew, she could feel it, that he did not want her to go. Taking a step towards him she lit her own lightsaber and faced him head on.

"No. I will fight you and if I win you are coming with me."

He chuckled maliciously.

"You won't win Rey. Take my offer and leave."

"No." She said angrily wipping her tears away.

But just as she was about to strike, Poe and Finn burst into the room. It distracted her enough to allow Kylo Ren to disarm her. Holding his lightsaber at her throat, he said. "Leave."

"Rey, come on." Poe shouted holding his hand out to her, whilst Finn ran straight for Kylo.

Kylo glared at Poe and then in a sudden move, force-choked Finn stopping him from trying to attack.

"Let gim go Ben!" Rey shouted and stretched out her arm. Using the Force, she disposed Kylo Ren of his lightsaber.

Furious, he tightened his hand into a fist. Finn's face turned blue.

Poe jumped in to defend him. Using his other hand Kylo held him frozen in place.

But that left him defenseless against Rey's attack.

Unable to relocate her lightsaber, Rey walked up to him and punched him. But his concentration did not waver.

"Ben!" She shouted, hitting him again. "What is the matter with you? Let him go!"

"I told you to go!" He said spitting out his own blood. "This is what happens when you don't listen to me, Rey. When you don't obey the Leader of the First Order. I may not have defeated you in a fight yet, but there are other ways to hurt you. Other ways to make you realise that I am stronger. That I am in control and you are no one. A nobody. You have no place in all of this."

"Don't listen to him, Rey!" Poe shouted. "He is just playing with your mind."

"I know." Rey whispered calmly. Breathing heavily she stretched out her hand and used all the Force she could find within her to release Kylo's stronghold on Finn.

Immediately, Kylo Ren was thrown across the room and both Finn and Poe fell on the floor.

Shocked, Kylo quickly got back on his feet and marched towards Rey.

"No!" Poe shouted.

"Welcome to the dark side, Rey." He said, pleased with the turn of events.

"You have used your anger and fear to fuel your power. You are not a Jedi. You are like me now."

"I am nothing like you." Rey said passionately, but inside she was torn. She had indeed done what he said.

"Yes you are. I always knew it. I saw it then, when we touched hands." He said coming in closer.

"Rey, what is he talking about?" Poe asked.

But Rey ignorred him, too consumed by Kylo's words and his proximity.

"And I saw you. By my side. This proves nothing Ben." She said back, with conviction.

"Yes it does-" Kylo started but was interrupted by his mother's voice.

"Rey!" She shouted but her eyes never left him. "Let's go. Quickly."

Rey looked at Kylo Ren more confused than ever. She felt different. She did not know what exactly had changed but something had.

"Rey!" Leia shouted again, whilst Maz and Poe were helping Finn up.

But she could not hear anything or feel anything that was not Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo. He held her captive.

And as they stared at each other an eerie silence fell over the room, everybody's eyes focusing on them.

And they all felt it, the odd electricity in the room. Sparks and heat and colour. It was dazzling to behold.

Silently, Rey reached out and grasped Kylo Ren's hand, the tip of her fingers touching his, just as in the cave.

"Yes, it does mean something, Ben." She whispered.

He held his breath, expectant.

"You will find your way back home, Ben."

Then she turned around and grabbing Leia's hand they all exited the room, leaving him behind. Yet for the first time he did not feel as though he had lost. He felt like a winner. Rey had used the dark side of the Force. This was just the beginning.

 _A while later on the Supremacy_

"Supreme Leader, all the rebels have managed to escape." General Hux said displeased. "What are your orders, Sir?"

"My orders?" Kylo said distracted. "Let them go General. There aren't that many places left to hide now. We will find them and end them. They do not represent a threat."

"But Sir, they have taken the blueprints."

"No they haven't General. General Organa and her little rebels have taken the blueprints to one weapon. But it's not our greatest one. That one is safe." Kylo Ren smiled. He actually smiled, stupefying everyone on the deck, including General Hux who could not help but ask out loud.

"I do beg your pardon my lord, but my I ask why you are so pleased?"

Kylo looked at general Hux incredulously then let out a dark chuckle, astounding everyone further.

"Because it has begun General. That girl will be mine."

"What do you mean Sir?" Hux pressed.

"You are really bold today General." Kylo said displeased. "But if you must know, although I am sure you will not understand, the girl who killed the Supreme Leader, I have begun turning her to the Dark Side. And what a treat it would be to convert her. So righteous, so full of principles. I am looking forward to have her light consumed by darkness. Consumed by _me_."

With another dark chuckle Kylo Ren stormed out of the room. And as he was walking on determinedly he recalled Rey's final words, from earlier that day, "You will find your way back home Ben. Your way back home." The pull to give in was so strong then, but he had resisted. And he would continue to resist.

Yes, he wanted Rey by his side, but he wanted her into his darkness. He would never step into her light.

It was a long while ago that he had driven that deeply into his mind, his heart. The same words Snoke used to repeat to him as a child.

"You're not worthy of the light, Ben. But in the darkness, your deeds become great. Darkness will serve you, whilst Light seeks to be served. And you are unworthy of the Light, Ben. Darkness is your inheritance."

Yes Darkness was his inheritance.

And Light... Light was ... not where he belonged.


End file.
